The Man in the Muffler

Steven Crump spoke in church to his own congregation, today.  He is their bishop, after all.  The service was short and packed with lots of Congregational Choir numbers, multiple keyboards and a familiar flute.

The Bishop started his remarks with an analogy:  "Suppose you were invited to the Birthday Party for your Best Friend?  He had already given you so many gifts and you wanted to give him what he really wanted--would you know what kind of love that is?"

Then he told us a simple story that happened on a Chicago bus.

The girl was 17 and it was Christmas Eve.  She had worked all day for too little money.  So had her mother. The older woman had to work as a char woman in a highrise by the river.  Both mother and daughter would arrive home bone tired and fall into bed.  There was no money for gifts or tinsel or anything related to most wonderful time of the year.  Two months earlier her father had left their mother and the divorce was pending with acrimony all 'round.  She felt her angry father had stolen their family.  

With that hopeless thought in mind, she boarded the bus for the long trip "home" and not much to look forward to that Christmas....or any Christmas eve in recent memory.  She recognized the bus driver.  The only comfort the whole day would be to sit near the front and put her thin shoes on the floor where the manifold of the engine warmed a small spot on the floor in front of her faded, hard bus seat.  As her cold feet were warming to the heat of the motor as they jerked along she noticed him.

He was a well dressed man in Pendleton wool and a natty vest who stood behind her on a strap-- .  He carried his last minute Christmas gifts for some lucky person in a little shopping bag with the name of .a big Department store in glitter on it.  He looked safe enough and she could see the bus driver glancing protecitvely in his rear view mirror.  

He approached her and asked politely if he could sit next to her on the seat. It was the first time she got a good look at his face.  Above the top of his well wrapped muffler/scarf his eyes were kindly and shined with genuine concern.

"Please forgive me," he said, "but you looked a little tired.  Have you had a hard day?"

Tears welled up in her eyes as she realized it was the first kind thing anyone had said to her in many years...and she was only seventeen.  She mumbled something about being OK..and thanks for caring enough to ask when he began to get up.  He pulled the cord and rang the bell as the bus slowed to a stop and he got off, turned and stood looking at her through the open door.

Then she saw the little fancy shopping bag on the seat of the bus.

"Hey, sir, " she shouted at him through the door, "you left your package on the seat."

"No, that's for you -- and Merry Christmas!!  

The door slapped shut and the bus resumed it's stop and go down Lexington Avenue.

She didn't want to take it...but the bus driver said she should..Couldn't leave anything on the bus.  

When she got home, she told her mother about the kindly man...first one she had ever seen that close in her entire life and they opened the bag together.  There was a brightly colored foil candy box with expensive pralines and cream made with white chocolate and the biggest nuts either of the women had ever seen.  The daughter gently draped the red cashmere scarf around her mother's shoulders and for the first time in months they both smiled.

The pretty music box played a tinking version of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" and as they listened to it over and over again they began to believe that one day their troubles would be far away.

Now, twenty years later she still keeps her late husband's wedding ring inside the delicate little music box with little love notes from her little children now grown."

Bishop Crump concluded with his prayer that we as the man in the muffler should take the challenge pass on the spirit of the Savior to others during this time of year..and all year round."

Merry Christmas 2011

"I wish there was something more I could do." he bagan, "but this is my stop."

   

..

Change, Forgive & Contribute!

A Three Word Formula for Success!

.

Ever since I heard Hugh Nibley's comment that there are only two things we really can do on earth:  REPENT and FORGIVE, I've made those verbs two of the three MISSION STATEMENTS of my personal creed.  The third verb: CONTRIBUTE comes from President Marion G. Romney who taught that Service is the price you pay for the space you occupy on the earth.  He also taught that service is the very content of the Building Blocks used to build your mansion on high*.   

CHANGE by any other name is Repentance.  

I have always enjoyed the comparison between Joseph Smith and his once close friend Oliver Cowdrey.  Joseph wrote that Oliver generally considered himself to be nearly perfect, and marred by the unpleasant experiences of life.  "I, on the other hand," he continued, "am a rough stone hurtling down the mountain.  Every obstacle I come in contact with knocks off another of my many rough edges and makes me a smoother shaft in the quiver of the Almighty."  

Change is best when it grows from within rather than imposed from without .  In Brazil, I wrote in my journal that, "The 'Call to Repentance' is like the Call to Supper to nourish yourself with a change that does everybody good, especially you. The result is always rejuvinating.  See TMB post: The Parable of the Bicycle ATONEMENT Change is the part of "The Plan" that involves Do Overs until we get it right! Elder Dallin H. Oakes told a General Conference audience that, "most sin is like specks of dirt that get washed away in the laundry."  Remember, PERFECT doesn't mean flawless.  Elder Russell M. Nelson taught that PERFECT means COMPLTE--as in completed ordinances, completed requirements for eternal life.

FORGIVE means to resolve differences, unburden yourself (and others) of the friction between you and another and just "let it go!"  It means JUDGE NOT THAT YE BE NOT JUDGED.  Mother Teresa, the inspiring nun of Calcutta said, "I don't know how people can judge others.  It leaves so little time to love them." That is the spirit behind the D&C commandment: "I the Lord will forgive whom I will forgive, but unto you it is required to forgive all men."  Grudges should not be part of your life because they only hurt you--rarely the person against whom the grudge is being held.

CONTRIBUTE means the fulfillment of President Kimball's teaching that, "We pray to the Lord for help, but the answer usually comes from another.   

Plan from now on to be a prayer answerer!  One young mother Rosie and I know well often bakes a dozen shredded apple pies and then prays to know who in her neighborhood "needs a little tangible encouragement."  As they cool, she and her family pile into their van and make anonymous deliveries as inspired from above.  What a great lesson to her children!

King Benjamin worked in the fields to sustain his body and gave his spare time to his kingdom and the Lord.  It's a good balance that keeps us grounded. He changed, forgave and contributed.

NOTE:  The late Sterling W. Sill advised forward thinking saints that they should come to church with a little talk for Sacrament Meeting, inspired, researched, and written fresh for that Sunday, just in case called upon. This is my "contribution" for this Sunday, just in case. 

NOTE 1: Bishops used to call up folks from the congregation to fill time--but after a few fainting spells and the odd heart attack, it became official church policy not to do that any more.    (Of course there's nothing stopping the Bishopric living on the edge to call a dozen faithful to prepare "just in case" for a two and a half minute contribution--with that done, the conducting officer could seek inspiration and call on four or five of the folks to come up and share--that would work.  In fact we do that kind of thing every month in what is called Testimony meeting.  

NOTE 2: A non-member author wrote about dropping in on an LDS service on the first Sunday of the Month and being a bit confused, "I wasn't sure who was in charge, there were officers on the stand, but members rose out of the audience on their own accord and spoke extemporaneously, often confessing their faith with tears.  At first I thought the minister was sick and these valiant members were helping out by substituting for him to fill the time of the meeting.  Afterward I asked around and was amazed to found that this congregation does this every month of the first Sunday--and so does every other Mormon ward and branch.  If that's what they mean by a "Lay Ministry" I'm intrigued!"

NOTE 3:  Keep away from people who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you feel that you, too, can become great. -Mark Twain

JRH

Come, Dream with Me...Outloud!

Hiking or not--Dreaming Together is Great!

One of the fun "build our marriage" exercises we do together when Gramma Rosie is in pain, is a mind diversion we call "Dream with Me...Outloud."  Often these moments happen in the car as we drive together shopping.  Rosie doesn't drive, so I often get to play Prince Phillip to her Queen Elizabeth, and truly be "an husbandman"

We invented this very practical imagination game when our Jeff and Sally were little.  It goes like this:  "If you had a million dollars that you had to spend in 30 days--where would you go, what would you do and who are two or three people you'd do it with?  Sound intriguing?  Five year olds have to really think about the issues involved..and then it seemed more like work than fun!  Rosie took the bait and began to spin a project out of her imagination that really sounded pretty good.

"If I had all that money," she told me that day, "I'd pay all our bills--and then I'd find some land where we could build some modest homes for elderly folks who had nowhere else to go."

I immediately began suggesting names.  The best I could come up with as a working title was: "Happy Dreams Acres!"  For the next few minutes her painful teeth, gimpy tummy, consistent migrane and bum knees and hip were overcome by visions of helping folks like us who had rented or gone homeless most of their lives.  I gently asked about compensation: "Oh, they'd pay a little rent, but only what they could afford," she said.  By then we'd made it to the store and bigger, more immediate issues became for the moment, upper most in her mind.

When you find yourselves in some kind of want, pain or lack of funds, consider this alternative.  We've always taught each other than a Dream is a wish that you write on paper and review the progress of occasionally.   "Happy Dreams Acres" may never happen, but we can always talk about it during a lull in the action.

Diversion of the practical kind is good for married teams and their teammate children.

One third world mother strapped for grocery money would come home late at night after foraging through the neighborhood and announce that the family would chew the beet greens she brought and sing hymns.  Sometimes it was just hymns without the greens.

Dreaming outloud with someone you trust and love can wipe away negative emotions and guide the brain to build often practical castles in the air.  The advantage is that encouraging the process builds hope and guides futures.

President Merrill of the Monterey Bay, California Stake in 1970 counseled us that parents should bring their babies to church.  Not only does it get everyone into a good habit, if the babies cry--no matter.  "You can only hear one thing at a time!" he told us.

On the other hand I have treasured Brigham Young's clever advice from the stage of the Salt Lake Theater in the early pioneer days before Social Hall Avenue was ever built. "Crying babies are like good intentions:  They should be carried out!"

The great truth in all this is that the human mind can really only concentrate on one thing at a time.  Contrary to what modern behavioralists tell us there really is no such thing as effective multi-tasking.  Most good things are consecutive--and if a good husband can divert his wife constructively with a way to harness her creative thoughts to build their family, it will be good for both of them.

Emeritus GA Elder Joe J. Christensen, former President of Ricks College once told a Priesthood Session of General Conference:  "Make the time to listen to your spouse; even schedule it regularly. Visit with each other and assess how you are doing as a marriage partner.  Brother Brent Barlow (prominent LDS Marriage Counselor) posed a question to a group of priesthood brethren: “How many of you would like to receive a revelation?” Every hand went up. He then suggested that they all go home and ask their wives how they could be better husbands. He added, “I followed my own advice, and had a very informative discussion with [my wife] Susan for more than an hour that afternoon!”  (To Build a Better Marriage," Ensign, Sept. 1992, p. 17) 

Communication--keeping the thoughts, like water flowing between us... that's what the Dream Outloud exercise is all about--and if it improves her disposition and supercedes her pain medication--all the better!  

JRH

Steak Center Restaurants: Never a Dry, Boring Meating!

Think Ward Dinner...every night!

There is an idea floating around Utah, Arizona, Missouri, Idaho and California for a chain of non-pretentious Mormon-themed restaurants called "The Steak Center" (Where There's Never a Dry, Boring Meating!).

Each Steak Center will have one enormous dining area with basketball hoops at either end and folding metal chairs and long tables covered in plastic tablecloths.

The Steak Centers will not have hostesses, but greeters -- men in their seventies will meet you at the door and talk like they have known you all your life.

The main menu items for lunch and dinner will be: 
Porterhouse Rockwell Steak
Primary Rib
Poor Wayfaring Pan of Beef
Parsley P. Pratt Funeral Potatoes
Eliza R. Snow crab (in season)
And It Came to Pasta

Kraft MacaMoroni and Cheese.

Breakfast items will include:
Pearls of Great Rice
Frosted Minivans

Adam-ondi-Omelettes

Also available:
In Our Lovely Desserts
Fast Sundaes
Gadianton Cobbler

Laman Meringue Pie (just sinful!)

The waiters will be 12- and 13-year-old boys wearing white shirts and their fathers' ties.

At the end of the night the customers will be asked to help fold up the chairs and tables and vacuum the floor.

Franchises are selling faster than Sunbeams on Skittles! Get yours while they last! 

--Guest post from David Dean

Gratitude for Counsel from a Scribe to a Pharisee

Scribes had no authority.  Pharisees acted like they did.

Dear friendly, faithful, righteous Pharisee Nicodemus (not his real title or real name)

Just a note to thank you for your gentle suggestions over the years of our ongoing friendship.  I especially am grateful for the time you take reviewing writing like this very post.

  Kate Lehrer and  her husband Jim exchange their writing all the time, supporting each other and helping to polish the other's work, however, she told Diane (and the audience) that she gets upset when Jim spends some time reading a chapter or an article she has written and says, "That was good, hon."  Jim Lehrer, the anchor of the PBS News Hour, formerly the McNeil Lehrer report appeared on one of the best radio shows I know of: The Diane Rehm Show, between 9 and 11 AM Monday-Friday on NPR.  His wife of 51 years, Kate, a novelist tagged along.  Jim has written 28 books and just published his latest book on his marathon record moderating 11 presidential debates--he says it's like walking on the edge of a very large, very sharp knife.

"I want to hear some real feed back!  What he liked, what I could do better!  Otherwise we're both wasting our time."

I write you that to write you this:  One of the reasons I have come to treasure our friendship, Pharisee, is that you care enough to give me that kind of uplifting feedback on a regular basis.

The first time you did it happened when you came up on stage after our first night of Missionary Boxer and suggested we build an intermission into the second night for the benefit of folks who had a hard time sitting through 90 straight minutes of show.

I was overwhelmed with every detail as writer, producer and head cheerleader for the production.  I didn't take your counsel then--and we probably could have--but --well, I could make lots of arguments in favor of  "plot flow", extending the show length by 20 minutes etc.  

I have never told you, but I appreciated your counsel then and have never forgotten it.  The next time I write and produce a show, the "Pharisee 'Sit Tight'  Break" will likely be included. (Of course playwrights know there's quite a difference between writing a one act play and a two or three act production!

President Packer tells the story about a Stake Patriarch in Brigham City who mentored him as you mentor me.  How wonderful to know someone with more experience who is willing to gently coach and give good counsel!

When President Harold B. Lee clarified the Savior's words in Luke that the Kingdom of God is within you--he indicated that what the Savior meant that the King James translators missed was the idea that the Kingdom of God is AMONG you!

WIth the increasing ability to sense and pay attention to the nudgings of the Holy Ghost, every member of the kingdom has the potential blessing of good counsel from "above" and good counsel from priesthood leaders and  wise senior folks who care about them-- the many emminese grises* (good grey heads) who unselfishly  are informing the rising generation.

(Noun, 1. eminence grise - (French) a person who exercises power or influence in certain areas without holding an official position)

Joseph Fielding McConkie, a wonderful professor of religion at BYU made the point that one of the many reasons the Lord commands us to attend Sacrament Meeting is that in such a community of counselors and counselees, each brings slightly different gifts of the spirit to the community.  As we gather, if we're gentle and observing we get a chance to enjoy most of the gifts of the spirit.   What an uplifting thought.

Therefore, thanks for sharing your good counsel with me on a regular basis.  You may not think it's much-- a word or two here and there, a little mid course correction, pulling back a little much enthusiasm while still encouraging more and better ideas suited to the situation and the process or just a suggestion.  I treasure every one.

Gratefully, thanks to you I am your better informed Scribe,

Jon Robert Howe

PS - In the computer world, a Wizard is some one or in Microsoft programs, some thing that knows a bit more than the user and is willing to share.  As I teach computer classes or the odd church class, I always try to follow your good example and be a good Scribe, a better Wizard and like you, a believing Pharisee who helps and guides whereever he (or she) gently can.

JRH

Sacrifice: Stay up Late with your Family, if you have to!

Endure to the End?

Our son works late, so I've cashed in my Lark credentials for the same Wise Old Owl qualifications my wife enjoys til early, early in the morning of the next day. Years of working early morning radio news, rising at 4:00 AM has made this shift in my personal time clock less than easy. 

My sweet Rosie's health is such that she has such a hard time getting to sleep and and a hard time getting up before early afternoon.  Like a newborn, her sleep and wake clock has been turned upside down.  

Elizabeth Anderson, a fifth grade teacher friend of our family in Wyoming in the 60's, once told me that every hour before midnight you get to bed is worth two hours of extra sleep.  I haven't enjoyed that bonus in years.  

My wife's prime time starts about 10:00 PM.  If I went to bed at 10 PM,  we'd have precious little quality time to speak of.  I'd miss my son completely.  He gets in about 11:30 PM when he's not out doing his Midnight Gardening with a flashlight and a harvesting basket. On one hand it's cooler, on the other hand he misses the little veggies you can't see easily in a narrow flashlight beam.

President Henry B. Eyring counseled parents of late sleepers and late workers to stay up and visit with them on a regular basis.  "If you're tired when you get up and go to work next day, please, do what I do." he said.   "During my lunch hour I inform my secretary, put a "Do Not Disturb hanger" on my door. Then I lock it, clean off my desk and pull out the blanket and pillow I keep in the closet and take a quick nap.  That and an apple keep me alert and focused for the rest of the day.  As long as you don't do it behind the wheel, napping is good for you!"

JRH

The Best Church Instructors Know How to "Play the Organ"

Organ playing as a metaphor for
Great Teaching

In 1969 I was called to teach the two seventies and three high priests of the Washington D.C. Singles Ward.  John Miller, our stake patriarch took me aside soon after I was called and taught me a most valuable principle of church class leadership.

"A church class is like an organ recital." he began.  "In the academic world, the professor knows so much more than the students that they come to be taught.  

In the kingdom the instructor is the focus of discussion, yes, but if he is wise he will follow these step and harness the inspiration in his fellow students:

1. Prepare Thoroughly:  Study, Pray, Seek Inspiration, Simplify and Condense.

2.  Come Humbly:  Understand that the class has nothing to do with showing off your skills or intelligence.  They are your fellow student and while you are the focus, your task is a simple one:  create the atmosphere of love and trust so that each member will feel comfortable sharing.  The following steps are key.

3. Cite THE Scripture:  In the limited time you have, just the right scripture will make all the difference.  Of course you can use other scriptures to fortify your point, but don't get caught up in using so many scriptures that you neglect "Playing the Organ" 

4. Pose a Great Theme Question:  Phrase it so that it sparks some interest and thought in members of the class.  It should recall experiences and motivate sharing for the next step.  Don't underestimate the power of your silence at this point.   One great instructor I know told the group, "Well, that's all I've got! and that he was going to depend on them for the rest of the class, then he backed away from the microphone.  He was only about six or seven minutes into the class but he had phrased the Theme Question question in such a way that the class immediately picked up on it.  He spent the rest of the hour just calling on members to "help him out".  It takes maturity and a good sense of what works!  It is the essence of step 5.

5. Play the Organ:

This wonderful, wise 80 something brother had a twinkle as he shared this simple formula for great church teaching.

I had to ask, "What do you mean, 'Play the Organ' ?

"Every brother  in the class (and in the auxiliaries, sisters, too) have deep opinions." He continued.  "If they've studied the sciptures as they should, they'll have corresponding life experience that can inform and inspire the other members off the quorum.  

"Each man represents an organ key, and it's your duty to create an atmosphere that will help them feel comfortable to share their inspiration and edify one another.  As the instructor you, too can learn from them and be inspired with their truths in a mutually satisfying and spiritual experience.  That's what "playing the organ" means.  Touching them as you would touch the keys in a magnificent recital."  He knew me well enough to know that I played the hymns for priesthood once in a while.

Church "instruction" is less about facts and much more about feelings as we build testimonies in church classes.  It's all about edifying one another when a skilled and loving teacher knows how to, "Play the Organ"..

JRH