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| President David O. McKay |
Yesterday, June 27, 2012 Rosie and I quietly celebrated our 39th Anniversary (Lace and Coral are the appropriate gifts! That's not a hint...it's a fact) We had a wonderful pot roast and settled in for a chat in which I asked some important questions (found below the note on President McKay and the Final Judgement)
NOTE: In 1965, President David O. McKay made the following
statement to a group of Church employees: Let me assure you, Brethren, that
some day you will have a personal priesthood interview with the Savior himself.
If you are interested, I will tell you the order in which he will ask you to
account for your earthly responsibilities. (In some versions these questions were
explained to a group of temple workers in the chapel of the Salt Lake Temple.)
First, he will request an accountability report about your
relationship with your wife. Have you actively been engaged in making her happy
and ensuring that her needs have been met as an individual?
Second, he will want an accountability report about each of
your children individually. He will not attempt to have this for simply a
family stewardship but will request information about your relationship to each
and every child.
Third, he will want to know what you personally have done
with the talents you were given in the preexistence.
Fourth, he will want a summary of your activity in your
Church assignments. He will not be necessarily interested in what assignments
you have had, for in his eyes the home teacher and a mission president are
probably equals, but he will request a summary of how you have been of service
to your fellow man in your Church assignments.
Fifth, he will have no interest in how you earned your
living but if you were honest in all your dealings.
Sixth, he will ask for an accountability on what you have
done to contribute in a positive manner to your community, state, country, and
the world.
(Reported by Cloyd Hofheins in a talk to the Seventies Quorum
of Provo Utah Oak Hills Stake, May 16, 1982
In that same spirit, Rosie and I ended our quiet day of
anniversary celebration (the 39th) on June 27, as I asked her a
series of questions to help me figure out how I’m doing on the way to that
moment with my Father in Heaven. If
these help any husband to re-establish ties, it will be worth the few minutes I
slaved over a hot keyboard
By the way, one of my favorite Priesthood Meeting addresses
from General Conferences came from Joe J. Christensen, emeritus member
of the seventy and former President of Rick’s College (now BYU Idaho): “If you want a revelation, brethren, go home
tonight and ask your wife what you can do to improve as a husband and father…and
then listen carefully. Our Father in
Heaven will “reveal” an earful and more of specific things you can do.”
Here are the questions that I listened to Rosie answer last
night before the altar of a quiet TV screen:
1. 1. What are your favorite two or three memories of
our 39 years together?
She
recalled times with our family, from my enthusiasm at her bedside as she
delivered our first son, Jeffery Glen Howe and our first daughter, Sally Ann
Howe (Sally doesn’t use her middle name much any more)
We remembered Jeff’s cub scout mastery of
Good Sportsmanship at his first pinewood derby and the blue and gold marble
cake in the shape of a hot air balloon and basket-load of family and friends.
We looked back to Sally’s fifth grade report on Ireland that involved a
lovely little blouse and skirt, posters—even a few sixpence coins to make the
emerald isle more memorable to her and the whole family.
We both smiled at Jeff’s winning seventh
grade science project on earthquakes and the orange jello bowl and balsa wood
houses used to demonstrate liquefaction (that report plays on YouTube as the
first story on the first edition of our pre-fiftieth anniversary video project
called: COUSINS MAGAZINE!)
2.
2. What are two or three ways you have changed as a result of this 39 year old friendship with me?
1) She is more at peace with herself than she
ever was with her previous husband, Kenny Cool (Michael’s biological father,
now 46)
2) She has developed trust in her own abilities
to do projects without a recipe, pattern or plan. Our marriage and family life has given her
the courage to do things on impulse and risk time and occasionally a little money
on ideas she develops herself or as she describes: as a result of “The nudge”
3) Rosie said that as a result of our time together she has developed a much closer
relationship with her Father in Heaven, Jesus and the Holy Ghost than she had
ever done in the years of marriage to her Michael’s father.
We often talk about practicing the gospel
with a BIG “G” and the gospel with a small “g”.
Though we live half a block from our LDS ward and stake center Rosie’s
teeth, her knees, her gimpy tummy have all conspired to keep her from regular
church attendance. But when a little
family knocked on our door a few months ago in need of help, Rosie cleaned out
our larder of peanut butter, a loaf of bread, canned fruit—enough to fill their little red wagon to give them strength to walk to Provo from our Holladay area
after their old car fell apart. That’s
the kind of little “g” soul growth that
powers a truly Christian lifestyle away from the associations that regular
church attendance brings. That summarizes Rosie's sense of being and some terrific soul growth.
3. 3. What
changes have you noticed in me as your husband in the last 39 years?
1) You are more accepting of change—the gay
life style in our daughter and her friends, the need for a little mood
medication in your own life—and careful following of VA doctor’s instructions
and medication to keep your diabetes and other bodily ailments under as much
control as you can.
2) You are more patient now than you were, for
example, with Michael when we first got married. (Michael –who actually did the proposing for
me as Uncle Jon to become his daddy--was always moving in church and I got more
than a little frustrated—and wasn’t shy about calling that to the young 8 year
old’s attention. The marital situation
was never good between Rosie and her first husband…and when Kenny came to Utah
on vacation and took Michael home with him and filed papers with the court in
Virginia to change the child’s custody arrangement and declare Rosie an unfit
mother for making Michael do “little girl work” like cleaning his room and
doing the dishes, we all but lost the youngster. He's called a couple of times, but for all intents and purposes he is :apart".
We toddled off to bed around midnight after prayer and
another chorus from me of “Happy Anniversary” to the tune of an unknown Can Can
rhythm: bu-bu-bu-bu BUP BUP BUH! etc. ended our celebration day.
How I do love that woman.
Our celebration meal featured roasted garlic in the creamy mashed potatoes
and a scratch pudding cake for dessert. (and I was true to my trust at the VA—and
ate measured amounts as slowly as I could, savoring every delicious bite. I am
the poster child for her great cooking.
BY THE WAY: A few months ago, Rosie envisioned her dream job and went to Spoons and Spice to apply to sell their wonderful kitchen implements, sharpen knives as an additional service to the store etc . On the application the question was asked, "What could you write to demonstrate that you know your way around the kitchen? With a spunky little glint in her eye and showing me the form as she filled in the answer she wrote: 'When we were first married, my husband's waist line was a tight 36 inches. Now, some 30 something years later he measures nearly 55 inches around. That should count for something.
The "suck a pickle" woman who read her answer didn't crack a smile---and Rosie was glad she didn't have to go to work there every day with such a humorless boss! On we go laughing and enduring to the end...which as you may know according to Elder Glen Pace's quoting M. Russell Ballard, "It isn't over until a Latter-day Saint is safely dead with his/her testimony burning brightly!"
May your first 39 years be as happy as ours have been. Here/s to 39 more just like them!!
TMB 60 /JRH
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